About a little over a year ago i deleted my facebook account. I didn’t have anything else like a twitter or instagram. I was social network free, and let me tell you, IT FELT AMAZING! I didn’t have to worry about how many friends I had, i didn’t have to worry about how many likes i got on my status or my photo. And the biggest thing of all, I didn’t have to obsess over my boyfriends profile and who was talking to him. Even better was that my boyfriend had agreed to also delete his facebook. Our relationship couldn’t have been better. No worries, no paranoid feelings, nothing. But then he got a twitter. And i didn’t have one. But i could easily google his twitter and view it. So i did. And once again i had something to worry about. Something he had that i didn’t and it made me constantly paranoid. So just 3 days ago i decided to get a twitter. It felt nice to reconnect with old friends and hear people tell me they miss me. But in just 3 days, that stupid website made me and my boyfriend fight so much over probably the most ridiculous things ever known to be fought about. Also once again, i found myself obsessing over every girl that he talked to or followed. It is just so unhealthy for anyone to be subjected to that. This is why in todays society, women are so obsessed with their appearance. Because everyone edits their pictures to make them look like a perfect flawless version of themselves, and women aim to look like that in real life. Well news flash ladies… ITS NOT POSSIBLE! You cant airbrush your face in real life. Or edit every flaw. You can however develop eating disorders, wear 10 pounds of makeup, and get plastic surgery… But why can’t you just be happy with who you are? Is it that hard to just let go of the social networking and actually socialize with people face to face? My social life was 10 times better when i had no facebook or twitter. Anyways, I already deleted my twitter after 3 days, and i couldn’t be more happy. If anyone is doing anything wrong that affects me, then i will eventually find out. If i am meant to. I’m done searching for reasons to be unhappy.
Old pictures always remind me of where i came from. But what I always realize is that at that very moment in those pictures, i didn’t know where I was supposed to end up. And living right now in this very moment, i realize that no matter what crazy events pop up that seem unexpected or completely life changing, those events are what will lead me to where i am meant to be. Those events are very necessary. They define me. 20 years from now i will look back, and every event that has occurred will amaze me at how much it has changed the course of my life. As long as those events are ones I stand by and agree with, i will always end up happy. Have you ever looked back and said, “I regret that.”? Think about it! Do you really? Do you regret it? Or are you happy with everything you have right now? Because that very moment you may think you regret, if it had not happened, you may not be in the same place. Or maybe you are miserable right now, then yes, maybe you do regret what you did. But being miserable is a choice. If you choose to dwell on your own wrong doings, then yes you will be miserable. Or you can choose to be happy. Choose to forgive your self. No one says you have to forget. But just get over it. Move on and realize that you can make what you want out of what you have, or you can make nothing. Being miserable is refusing to let your self forgive the mistakes you have made, or refusing to forgive your self for the things you are afraid to do. Do those things, and forgive your self, and you will realize that being happy is a decision you are capable of making. I have held back on doing things in the past that i sometimes wish i would have done. But when i really take the time to think about it i realize that if i had done those things, i would have never ended up where i am now. And I LOVE where i am now. Yes, the things i never did in the past will always remain a mystery, but at least i found a way to be happy through it all. Remember, Most people regret the things they did not do… Not the things they did. Remember that as long as you make decisions that are ultimately to make sure you wind up happy, you won’t regret them. Don’t make decisions based on guilt, or others happiness, or even for the fear of regretting never doing it. Make decisions based on you. Your happiness. Your future. What do you want out of life? Do you want money, happiness, love, lust, fortune, fame, peace….? The decisions are in your hands. Remember that no matter where you end up in life, you put your self there….
There are two things I try not to let control my life, First being regret, and the other being fear of the unknown. People constantly tell me, “You’re only 18. Stop stressing about everything. Enjoy it while it lasts!” .. But what I can’t stop stressing about is that I won’t be only 18 forever, and I hate not knowing what will happen later on down the road. You see, when I was 11, there were only 2 things on my mind for my future and that was me, and my acting. I didn’t really need anything else to be happy as long as I could do acting for the rest of my life. But everything happens for a reason, the only problem is, I don’t know if the reason I am not an actress yet is because I am not meant to be one, or because I am not meant to be one YET. Along the years of growing up, I stumbled across something I NEVER thought I would have. A serious relationship. I fought very hard to be with the person I am still with for almost 2 years now. And I remember everyone repeating the same things to me, “Don’t let this relationship stop you from reaching your dreams.” or “If you had to choose, Which one would you go with? Your relationship, or your dreams?”… Why can’t I have both? But now, my mind is so overwhelmed with thoughts of, What if acting doesn’t work out? What job will you have? Should you go to school for a backup plan? Are backup plans just predetermined failure? Or are backup plans called being smart? Don’t you want a job that is stable and you can have a family with? Don’t you want a regular Mon-Fri 9-5 office job? One with steady income and opportunity? Can you be happy doing that? Or will you spend the rest of your life regretting the fact that this is what it came to, no acting, sitting in an office, with a normal house and a normal family? Or is that what happy is? Having a family, and someone to love, and opportunity that comes in small bits everyday. Not having to travel or worry about the fame becoming too much for your significant other… Geeez, I feel like i’m already 30! What it really comes down to for me is being happy, and having someone to share that happiness with. Sure, acting makes me extremely happy, but not at the cost of having success with no one to share it with that I love and the loves me. I guess we will just have to see where I go. Maybe I will hit it big with acting, and keep an amazing relationship. Or maybe I will have a successful business career. Whatever the case may be, I can promise you that I wont let my self do anything that makes me unhappy. ❤
Let me tell you something about a woman. If you are a man, this is something you need to learn. If you are a woman, this is something you already know but probably deny… Women are complicated beings made up of the same general components as men. The body, the hair, the face, the need for food, the brain, the ability to live or die. But women are also made up of one entirely separate component… Emotions. Yes, men have emotions, but theirs generally fit inside their brains. Women’s emotions like to cover their entire body. We dont just feel pain, we also feel sadness when we are hurt. You call a woman ugly and she has this magic ability to not only hear what you have said, but turn your one word into an entire lifetime of insecurities! There are key words to avoid. like “you look fine.” or “You have a nice huge ass” or even something as simple as “I like it no matter what you do.”… You’ve gotta tell women what they want to hear. You think we want the truth? HELL NO. Don’t tell me that the girl next to me probably looks better naked than i do! Those words are a death wish! Cut us some slack, we don’t know why we act this way. And there are some women, like myself, who are very good at hiding these feelings. Instead of taking them out on our men, women like me just sit and over analyze everything on our own. Men, we get it, you don’t know why you do the pointless stupid things that you do. Neither do we! So understand that when we get mad at you for following that random whore on twitter that lives in a different state than you and you’ve never even met, yeah, that pisses us off a little. IT MAKES US JEALOUS!! Even if we don’t have any intention of being a whore, we still would like to think that are men don’t respect that. and DO respect us enough not to chase them. I don’t have any sort of social networking profile, except for this blog, because Those types of websites annoy me. They made me someone i hated. I hated when girls would post pictures of themselves in slutty poses and feel better about themselves when guys commented on them or they got 1000000 likes. So i deleted it all! But don’t think i don’t check up on my boyfriends twitter! I’d be crazy not to! All i am saying is, all girls get jealous. Even the ones who make a living for just simply being sexy. Sometimes, they get jealous of the beautiful women who have self respect. ITS JUST THE WAY LIFE WORKS. Even men get jealous. Its a nasty disease. And no one is immune. 😛
When you have a mind that refuses to do anything except what you really truely want to do, Life becomes a little more complicating. You see, I have this mentality. I want to change someones life. I want people to listen to what I have to say. I want to be happy, and I want others to be happy too. Because it is so hard to be happy when there are so many miserable poeple around you. I forget that I am so young sometimes. And even when I remember that I am young, or someone reminds me, I refuse to believe that, that means I can relax. My dreams and goals are a bigger part of me than my arms and legs. But when living in a world where so many people give up on their goals and dreams for things that are more “realistic” or socially acceptable, it becomes a real mission impossible to keep the motivation to get where I want to go. It really is a struggle. Why is it that people care more about what you have to say when you are famous? What causes that desire? That attraction? Well, just because everyone doesn’t care what I have to say now doesn’t mean its going to stop me from writing, because one day, when I have finally gotten to where I am trying to go, this blog will be their obsession. The inside of the mind of a person who was once struggling just as much as they one day may be to keep their motivation to get what they want. People need some comfort. It is nice to know that you are not alone in the struggling and constantly trying. So for those of you reading now, thank you. For those of you reading this a few years from its posted date, yes, it is really difficult to stay with it. To keep pushing forward when everything is trying to hold you back. But believe me, It will payy off!
There is something I just NEED to get off my chest. Something that bothers me more than just about anything in the world. Superficial women. Lets get one thing straight. I am anything but a fake, plastic, vanity obsessed, “skank”. to put it irrasionaly. But you know what kills me? Men want a beautiful, funny, smart, charismatic, honest, loving, perfect woman. Right? But even when they have her, they still drool over the fake, materialistic, makeup covered, photoshoped, skanks. What do you think this does to their perfect prized woman that the already have? It makes her want to become the fake skank her man is drooling over. And then guess what?!! THEN HE DOESN’T WANT HER ANYMORE!! How does that work?! Do you men expect us women to just be your perfect woman and allow you to drool over the superficially pretty one too?! Be careful. One day there will be no more real women. Just superficial, bimbos swimming in self tanner and makeup. You men cant have your cake and eat it too!
People are created pure individuals. Individuals with empty mind sets. They gain knowledge and beliefs based on the things the people around them teach them to believe and do. So why are there so many people that are exactly alike? Why are so many people eager to be like the one next to them? Well, some individuals are brought up in a way that teaches them to be them selves, and unfortunately being ones self is so hard for people these days that they look to the next person in order to find a place to belong. A place to fit in. So that means that the world is filled with people so similar to one and other but none of them really actually understand their beliefs or why they even believe what they do. But no one questions anything. This is normal. Right? Isn’t normal doing what everyone else is doing? If you don’t know what to believe, believe what everyone else does. Right? It could be so simple. The world would be filled with so much interesting things if everyone were themselves. Think of all of the different things there would be to see and experience. No one thing would be the same. But that is just not reality. Either believe in god or go to hell. That is the lies our world spoon feeds to us. And the grown adults that give into the poison that is in those spoons are happy to cave in. They have infant minds. Still absorbing information as if they dont have opinions of their own. Don’t let anyone feed you their beliefs. Believe what you want to believe. Do what you want to do. Don’t follow anyone. And the only thing you should want to follow you is your shadow.